Oh No She Didn’t! Answering in The Negative to Bridesmaid Invites

It’s the invitation of the century. Your friend has asked you to be her bridesmaid. She is excited but, you are worried. It’s not that you don’t want to be a part of this monumental event; it’s just that there’s so much going on in your personal life that adding “bridesmaid” to the scheme could be overwhelming. So how do you determine what is best?


Consider the friendship

Is this person a friend on the verge of being an acquaintance, or is she indeed your best pal? Being a bridesmaid is a big responsibility that should only be taken on by those who are almost like family. If you don’t really feel that close to the person asking you to be their right-hand woman, then consider declining the offer.


Can you afford it?

We like to believe that money is no object but that’s just not reality. The responsibility of bridesmaid comes with a price tag that can be upwards of $1,000. Count up all the costs - i.e., the dress, travel, and living expenses - before agreeing to take on the role.


Just politely say “No”

There is no need to go into details such as, “I can’t afford it” or, “My family’s going through a rough patch right now.” Simply thank her for the consideration and decline. Going into details feeds into the idea of there being a problem that can be fixed. You want to make it clear that there is no possibility of you accepting the role of bridesmaid so that the bride can move on to the next suitable candidate.

Three Things You Should Know Before Your Next Gym Visit

Little else destroys a productive workout like someone in the locker room who doesn’t know the rules of the space. Perhaps they are new and don’t understand the basics of locker room etiquette. Maybe, on the other side of the coin, they come so often that they think a part of the gym is their own. No matter what your standing may be, beginner or expert, here are a few key points to consider during your next visit to the gym’s locker room.

The gym is not your home

You may consider it your second house, but the gym is a place for everyone with membership to enjoy. Consider the space of others in the locker room and refrain from “marking your territory” with towels, make up and other accessories. There is no such thing as saving a shower at the gym.

Nudity should be kept to a minimum

Bareness is a part of dressing of course. Excessive nudity, however, is not appropriate in a public setting. Although you may feel comfortable walking around naked or half dressed, it may not be within everyone’s comfort level, so modesty is the best course to take.

Bring a lock

There’s always a possibility of your things being stolen when you don’t bring a lock to secure them in the locker. It’s also pretty frustrating to open a locker that is occupied with another member’s items, so be considerate and come prepared.

Humblebragging: The Ultimate Cardinal Sin of Social Networking

We have all seen it. You log onto Facebook or Instagram and see a post of a friend posing next to his BMW. He says the picture is about the beach, but we all know that the waves only serve as the backdrop for the beaming beamer that is front and center in the post. The act is called humblebragging, and practically all of us have been guilty of it at some point. 


What is Humblebragging?

Humblebragging is a sly way of talking about your life, in all of its greatness, online. You’re sharing bits and pieces of your life but, at the same time, you’re bragging. Now, don't misconstrue the idea, social media is meant for sharing milestones. Humblebragging, however, are those posts on Facebook or Twitter that tells the world how great your life is in a downplayed sort of way. 


For Example...

A person will post, “Oh gosh. Just got sand all over the carpet of my brand new BMW.” The purpose here is to draw attention to the BMW, not the sand. Such bragging also takes place when someone takes a photo of their nails resting on or near the Mercedes-Benz emblem on their car’s steering wheel.


What’s So Wrong With Humblebragging?

It’s not horrible to share accomplishments online. You just have to be realistic.  Ask yourself: “What’s my key point here? Do I want to complain about the sand? Or, do I want people to know about my BMW?” If you want people to know about your car, then just be forward with it and say, “I’m so thankful that I have a BMW.  I always dreamed of having this kind of car.” Humblebragging gets annoying when a person does it often, so it’s best to be honest and upfront. 

Also, bragging shouldn’t be done often. Your accomplishments shouldn’t be something that you’re always discussing online. You want to think about your audience and who’s reading the posts. If you just got a brand new BMW and most of the people you associate with are not necessarily in that space, then you probably want to hold back a little bit and not talk about it all the time. 


Questions to Consider Before Posting

  • What is this post all about? Is the post really about the sand or is it about the BMW?
  • Is this something I’ve mentioned before?
  • How would my community feel about what I’m sharing? Would it make them feel good about their personal situation or bad?
  • Is there a way that I can share this differently by being more upfront?

You can spot humblebragging when a person is making one particular thing minuscule, but they really want to shed light on it. If you do catch someone engaging in humblebragging red handed -  just ignore it. Don’t try to correct them. Let crazy be crazy!



The Ultimate Internet Dating Guide

You are looking for new ways to meet someone and have turned to the world of Internet dating. Congratulations! Here is a guide to help you search with elegance.


For starters...

One thing about Internet dating that we have to recognize is that this is an actual forum for you to reach out to a person and let them know you’re interested in them. You should, therefore, utilize the options that the platform has to offer to initially connect with someone.


Use the count of three

If you don’t get a response after three attempts of trying to connect with someone using the tools that a dating platform has to offer, then it’s a good idea to move on. Remember that this is nothing different than seeing someone in person. Let’s say you’re out and about and see someone you like. You give them a look, they give you a look, nothing really comes of it and you just move on and leave the encounter alone. The same is true for online dating.

They saw you and nothing came of it. Don’t spend too much time trying to figure out what the person thinks of you and why they haven’t responded after you’ve viewed their profile three times. So you’ve looked at their profile a few times. Their lack of response says they’re not interested. Move on and don’t worry about what they may, or may not,  think. Think of it this way, Unless you end up dating them, or having a conversation with them later on, you’ll probably never have contact with them again. Give yourself permission, then, to accept the fact that they saw you. They did nothing so now you’re going to move on.


If there is a spark…

1.     Avoid dragging any former relationships or experiences into this new contact. Don’t start with a myriad of complaints like, “The person before you did this,” or, “I just want to make sure you’re not this kind of guy/girl because that’s who I dated before.” Approach the opportunity with an absolutely clean slate.

2.     Gauge time needed between talking online and meeting in-person on the individual and how you feel about them. Don’t go out with someone if you’re not absolutely comfortable with meeting them. If you have a sense of feeling that you’re just not quite ready yet, then you’re just not quite ready yet. You can decline an invitation to go out on a date and continue to talk with them until you are comfortable. Never feel pressured to meet someone face-to-face unless you are absolutely ready.


When meeting face-to-face…

1.     Keep in mind that this is a date, not therapy. This is not the time to unload old emotional baggage that you have accumulated in your life that may include family history and troubles. It’s important for you to put your best foot forward.

2.     Remember to not only treat your date with respect and kindness but anyone you come into contact with as well. Also, watch how your date treats other people. This is key because we always make sure to treat our dates nicely. Let’s say, however, that you go out to a restaurant and your date is rude to the server. Such behavior is a tell-tale sign that perhaps the person is not as considerate as they should be in terms of the way they treat others.

3.     Arrive on time, of course.

4.     Be clear about your goals for the evening and the activities you have planned if you are the initiator. I would advise avoiding the movies, or any other activity that requires undivided attention, on your first date. If you do go to a movie, make sure you do something else so that you can have some time to talk with them face-to-face. This will allow you to truly see the characteristics of the person.

5.     Refrain from treating the date like a job interview. You want to learn more about the person, but you don’t want to give them the third degree. Make sure that your conversation is very natural and not one of interrogation.

6.     Use body language to your advantage. If you want them to keep their distance, then let them know with gestures that imply the need for space. Pay attention to their body language as well because that’s going to tell you whether or not the person is interested in you. Getting in tune with their gestures will spare you of awkward moments down the line.


The second date

My three core values of etiquette are: respect, honesty and consideration. Honesty comes into play here.

I think it’s important, especially for Internet dating, that it’s important to be honest if you feel there won’t be a second date. In my book, Let Crazy Be Crazy, I say to treat candid situations the same way you would a Band-Aid: snatch it off quickly, which means get it done and over with.

You can exchange momentary displeasure for long-term comfort. In this instance, that momentary displeasure is telling a person, “You know what? It was great to be able to go out on a first date with you. I don’t think this is a good fit for me. I would say that this is probably going to be our last date, but I wish you all the best in your search.” The ultimate goal is to let them know that you’re not planning to date them.

Remember that, in the instance of Internet dating, people are searching. Your purpose is to meet someone, go out on a date with them and see if they’re a good fit. Not every single date has to be a love connection. Utilize the ability to date frequently to your advantage. View the date as you would an interview based upon whether or not you’re going to get along with the individual and if you think it’s a good fit. If you don’t believe it to be a good fit, then be honest with the other person and say so. That way the person doesn’t keep calling you, and vice versa.